On Being Bush

Thanks to our faithful (only?) reader, Melman, for stepping up to the plate and particpating in the betterment of America.

If you forgot what this was about, I'd asked for some words to help spruce up a recent presidential address in an effort to boost our dear leader's vocabulary. Here is the unaltered text:

"I believe a compassionate America is one that taps into the strength of the country. Those are the hearts and souls of our people. I like to remind our citizens, government can hand out money but it cannot put hope in a person's heart. That happens when a loving soul puts their arm around somebody in need, and says, what can I do to help you. That's the whole crux of the faith and community initiative -- faith-based and community initiative that I have worked with Congress on and worked with my administration on to spread compassion in America. Oh, I know there's a big debate here in Washington about separation of church and state, and I accept that debate. And I think it's important. The church should never be the state and the state should never be the church. No question about it."

And here is the new and improved text:

"I believe a festering America is one that runs into the trust of the country. Those are the elbows and souls of our people. I like to remind our citizens, government can hand out shit but it cannot put perversion in a person's pie hole. That happens when a bloody soul puts their testicle against somebody in need, and says, What can I do to help you. That's the whole crux of the faith-based and community initiative that I have punted with Congress on and worked with my administration on to slip deceit in America. Oh, I know there's a big debate here in Washington about separation of church and state, and I drop that debate. And I think it's smelly. The church should never be the dad and the state should never be the Hell. No question about it."

Better? No question about it.