Conspiracy Theory One: Sandra Fucked the Liberals by Retiring First

All the Elitist, Liberal Pig-Dogs have been fondly memorializing Sandra Day O'Connor's time on the Bench. And then snuggling up to Bush-friend Alberto Gonzales as a like-minded "moderate" (as if the mean-spirited Cultural Conservatives had chased him into their open arms).

But now comes word from the Prince of Darkness that ailing Chief Justice "Bill" Rehnquist is, as expected, going to step down. This gives the president the opening to nominate his pal (who the Liberals "want") and then someone much, much, much more of a hardcore Conservative. Potentially, it's a huge win-win situation for the president . . . and a lose-lose for, well, maybe anywone and everyone who's afraid of a little Theocracy and enjoys basic Human Rights.